Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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