I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
