btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
