I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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