so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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