Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
