i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
