Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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