He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
