The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
