so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
