there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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