I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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