You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
