she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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