can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Randomize
