Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
