I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
