Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
