man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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