my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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