mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
