now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
