You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I love you. Go after that dick
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
