Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
