Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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