My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize