So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
