i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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