your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
