I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
