Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
