His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Randomize
