Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
