Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
please come you make the beer taste better
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
