she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
