dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
