i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
