Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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