I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
