And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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