but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
