is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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