Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize