I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just forgot I was standing up.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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