it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
