you traded sex for a burrito?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i've created a new STD.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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