does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
