I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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