so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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