The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i dont even know how to be here
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
