i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
