I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
