I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
