fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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