is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
