I just saw a hot homeless man
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
