im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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