Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
