I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
