She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
