He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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