Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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