Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
