1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
