did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
