Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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