Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
