sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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