I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
