I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Found the puke drawer
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My ass is underappreciated
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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