u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize